he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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