i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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