after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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