ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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