the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize