im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
