Christians are straight up FREAKS
You work out of a Hotel?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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