i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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