Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
