it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
