And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
