My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
