you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize