I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
