Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
