brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
