did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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