I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
