He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
