There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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