he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
