Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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