I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sarcasm needs its own font
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
