I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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