they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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