woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
