I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
