I want you more than these girls want KFC
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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