You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
