I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i think my cat just said my name.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
