I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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