I'm lost and stupid without you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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