You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
