I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
