Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
