Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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