No stitches, just platelets and will power
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had sex on a dog bed..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
