while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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