Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
