My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize