Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
