So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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