so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
