She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
