I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
