The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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