My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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