Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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