Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
