There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
