I faked an abortion last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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