new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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