she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
