So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
