exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
