What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
