My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bring me that man meat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
