11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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