we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
