ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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