those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
