my room smells like sperm. sweet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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