haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
