Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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