I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
