its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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