3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
should my penis look like a turkey
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
