after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
