I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
