Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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