bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
