That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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