Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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