also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
