He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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