Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
