No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
