hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a burrito and a hug.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
